Doing something because you think you should, isn’t the way to go

Posted by Ben Lumley on Feb 7, 2010 in Goals, Thinking Differently | 58 comments

photo credit: Vincent Damiano

By writing this I’m going to do one of two things. I’m either going to make you think that I don’t know what I’m talking about or I’m going to encourage you to have the same realisation that I’ve had. I hope it’s the latter, rather than the former.

Many of your goals, you’ll never achieve!

You won’t. Sorry if that’s an overly honest assessment that jarrs with everything you want to believe in; but it’s true.

You’ll fail, not because you didn’t work hard enough or didn’t get good initial results, but because of your focus and the motive behind that focus. You’ll sabatogue your own success before you start solely due to the focus you had as you started to formulate your ideas of success in a particular area. And it’s all because your motive is wrong. I know because I’ve done it.

You see, if your motive for action is wrong, then you won’t achieve what you want to achieve. If your motive to achieve something is driven out of hate, conformity or greed, then you’ll never reach your visions and goals.

I’ve been trying to develop a habit of daily meditation for a while now. The first time I tried was a few years ago and recently I have tried again, setting it as a goal to achieve for 2010. But something hit me today – I was doing it because I thought I should and that it fitted with my ideals and principles.

As a Buddhist, it’s assumed that part of your daily practice should include at least one session of meditation. As a martial artist, it’s considered prudent to develop a regular meditation habit to encourage stillness and control. As a forward thinking individual, who’s into self-development I believe(d) that I should have this habit.

None of the reasons for my wanting to develop a daily habit of meditation, included me actually wanting to do it for my own sake. I see the benefit of meditation. I even feel the benefit after sitting for some time. But I’m not doing it for the right reasons. I’m doing it because I think I should, not because I want to do it.

If you want something really badly, with all your heart and with a passion that burns inside you, then you should do it. If like me, you’re trying to achieve something because you think you should, because maybe it fits into your vision of who you should be, but not necessarily who you want to be, then I urge you to rethink your goals.

If you’ve ever tried to achieve something over and over again but still come up against the same brick wall then there’s a good chance, that like me, you’re trying to do it for the wrong reasons.

So do I just give up on goals completely?

No. I’m not saying that. What you should do is take a moment to re-evaulate every goal you want to achieve. Are they goals you want more than anything, that you think about all day long and that consume your very being or are they just things you’re doing because you think you should?

One thing I’ve learnt from watching this series of Tony Robbins over the past few days is this; in order to be successful, one thing you need to do is turn your “shoulds” into “musts”. I realised today that I have a few goals that are shoulds but not musts. I think it’s time to focus only on the musts.

So spend a moment to consider your goals and why you want to achieve them. Are they shoulds or like tos or are they musts? If you immediate answer is yes then move on and keep driving forward till you hit your target. If you hesitate to give an answer straight away then take some time to re-evalute. There’s no harm in checking to see if everything is ok and on track.

Don’t just do something because you think you should but rather because you want it with all your heart and soul.

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• Make a Change – Start taking action now.
• The Keys to Unlocking Success: Part 6 Learning from Life
• Make a change: The Power of Setting Goals
• The Keys to Unlocking Success: Part 1 – Focus
• How to hack your sleep and go from night assasin to morning warrior

Ben Lumley writes about Success and Personal Achievement at 6aliens.com. He is a Personal Achievement Coach and Motivational Speaker.

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