6 outstanding ways to support someone in their dreams
Posted by Ben Lumley on Mar 31, 2010 in Success, Thinking Differently | 34 comments
We’re all good people. We all want others to be successful in our lives and create lifestyles that are exciting and fulfilling. All of us would move heaven and earth to help support someone in their dream but so many people are unsure about how to do it properly. So as a way of encouraging everyone to keep supporting each other, I’ve put together my tips for helping someone achieve in life.
Keep their feet on the ground
The problem with people who want to achieve success is that they want to do so much so quickly and that they strive to achieve too much. As someone who supports them you need to keep their feet on the ground.
Don’t let them go off excitedly and try to take action immediately. They need to think this all through and decide whether it’s socially acceptable first before they even start to think about they might achieve it. Your job is to keep them grounded so that they don’t reach too high.
Be a realist
Goal oriented people, who want to achieve amazing things, usually live in a dream world. Life becomes one big fantasy which is as far removed for the perceived real world as it can get. One of your roles is to keep it real for them.
Keep showing them what the real world is about and how big dreams don’t usually amount too much. Remind them about the stress, the negativity of society and generally how crap life is.
Also past experiences work well here. If you’ve failed at something before or had a dream crushed by someone, then this is a good time to bring it up.
Remind them what it’s like
Life isn’t a garden of roses. Life is about hard work, being miserable and being broke. That’s what we’re all really here for isn’t it? Working your fingers to the bone in a job you hate while leading an uninspiring life.
People who want to achieve greatness usually brush over this basic rules of life. To be truly supportive you should make sure their rose-tinted glasses don’t stay on too long. It’s all well and good viewing the world as you want to see for minute or two but any longer than that is just a recipe for disaster.
Say no
If someone is going to be truly successful they need to get used to hearing the word no every now and again. This is part of becoming a success. They need to develop a thick skin when trying achieve something and you can help with that.
Tell them no, a lot. It’s such a great word that you can use it in so many different situation. You can say no to requests for help, when they need someone to talk to, when they need advice, or when they want to share their ideas with you.
No is such a simple little word and even better is one letter less than yes!
Play the critic
Any great idea needs to be pulled apart, analysed and looked at from every angle if it’s going to be worthwhile pursuing. They more you can pull it apart and criticise the more you can improve it later on.
We all have our own inner critic that’s constantly putting us down and telling us we can’t achieve something or that every one will think we’re stupid. The problem with dreamers is that their inner critic has usually been shut off (normally by the dreamer themselves) so if you’re going to be really supportive you need to step up and fill the void. It’s not an easy job but someone’s got to do it.
Criticism and feedback is always good. All you have to do if say things without thinking and use the fact you are a little bit jealous and boom you’re being a supportive critic.
Dismiss their idea
If all else fails and they don’t feel supported, then dismiss their idea altogether. After all we’re all conditioned in life not to try things and to stay within our comfort zones so why should they be any different?
Dismissing their dream is also a great way to help them confidently develop new ideas. Maybe ones that are more realistic and in line with us normal people.
Again past personal experiences and anecdotes are good here if you’ve ever had a dream crushed by someone you knew.
So….
Let dreamers dream if they want. You’re keeping it real.
So go out the friends and support as many people as you can. Let’s keep to world the same as it’s always been.
Till next time.
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Ben Lumley writes about Success and Personal Achievement at 6aliens.com. He is a Personal Achievement Coach and Motivational Speaker.
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Ben,
You completely crack me up! When this one plopped into my email first thing this morning I thought, ooooh, that sounds great. So much so, I'm sitting here with wet hair reading.
But then I read your first point and thought, what?! I was getting all geared to have to agree to disagree. It only took me until your second point to see where you were going with this. Very clever
If you ever catch me using your advice to support and encourage my friends you have my full permission to kick me! Just don't do it too hard, I bruise like a peach
Glad you enjoyed it Eleanor.
I promise that if I ever catch you being like this I'll remind you of your comment
Have a wicked day!
haha! that was awesome Ben, I really needed a good laugh, thank you!
What a refreshing point of view after all of those boring – go after your dream, live your passion, fly high posts.
I was just talking yesterday to someone who kept telling me – you gotta be realistic…this is so unrealistic… He probably read your post before our conversation. I told him that realistic equals mediocre in my book, he got offended. So stay tuned, he might come and complain that your tips don't work:)
Haha I look forward to.
I like to believe that realism is subjective and is completely unique to an individual. Also I feel that realism is something that we have forced on us and ultimately accept. Sadly this moves us further away from our goals in life.
That was awesome Ben.
I finally got where you were going with this at the end, I think. We all have dreams in this world and it takes lots of work (but fun!) to help each other get where they're/we're going.
I like the saying no part the best here I think. After all, it IS shorter than yes! lol
Cool post dude!
Hi Ben,
I guess one has to have a philosophy to live by, and yours sounds good. However, it has no constant! In Stephen Hawkings work, “A Brief History Of Time”, Hawkings makes reference, that matter and the laws of physics are rigidly stable, except when it comes to human beings and their interactions with the Universe.
No matter what you do in this live or how well intentioned your actions, any type of outcome should be anticipated. Whether good or bad!
Hi Ben,
Like Eleanor, I was geared up to disagree. It took me a moment to catch up with your tongue in cheek intention. Unfortunately, your 'tips' are all too common, but it's great to know others who are working on the necessary change.
See you soon
Hey Eric
Glad you enjoyed it. It was all tongue in cheek obviously. You're exactly right of course, we need to have help each other so we can all reach our dreams
Hey Jeffery – nice to see you hear again.
I'm a bit confused by your comment my friend. The post was supposed to be a tongue in cheek look at how some people show their support or lack of for others dreams. Am I missing something?
Hi Kim
I'm glad you read it all the way through before commenting. It sadly is too common that this is actually how others are with people dreams.
Be the change you want to see in the world
I also think it is important to be very careful when talking to people who've told you about their dreams. Being realistic is necessary, however we need to be mindful of how we express our thoughts, especially when talking to friends who are a bit too sensitive. The main idea is to stay firm and realistic while maintaining a calm and friendly tone.
Yeah I think that's a lot about of the problem really. A lot of people aren't mindful of how they express their thoughts and feelings.
Excellent. Do that
What's up Ben? Love this post. Straightforward and to the point. Dreaming is good and all, but we have to remember to stay grounded. I think that's what we have to remind our friends who have big dreams and want to start out quickly (like starting a blog). It's great that you brought these tips yo because they remind me of the hard work we need to do in order to overcome the obstacles we face on the way to getting to our goals. Thank you!
Hey Hulbert – how's it going buddy?
Glad you like it. I was trying to point out that we should be encouraging others to reach for the their dreams – was a bit tongue in cheek.
Hehe, nice one Ben
This is going to be an interesting April Fools…
Hey Heather – glad you enjoyed it. Really nice to see you here.
I heard there was a lolz ^_~
Good to be back though.
Hi Ben,
Yeah, I hear ya! I sat there in front of the computer screen for thirty minutes looking at my comment before I posted it, thinking it might be a little hard to see things from my point of view. We all think differently! Better luck next time I guess. I believe it was Albert Einstein who once said, that there was no greater in-justice in life than to be totally understood by everyone!
Yeah, Ben, completely agree with you here. Dreamers are such a nightmare to be with. They want to go off and do things. Best we keep them on the straight and narrow. Remind them of their responsibilities. Of their bank balance. Of how they'd just be much better off if they stopped filling their heads with new age bollocks… Self development, who needs it, eh?
Yeah I know Christine, it's all got out of hand hasn't it? I always feel much better when I'm in a pigeon hole.
Pigeon holes are good, Ben. But find one that doesn't really fit you. It's always better that way…!!
“Life isn’t a garden of roses. Life is about hard work, being miserable and being broke.” Pretty much sums it Ben, great post.
lol@ ben and christine.
seriously, i must try this tongue in cheek styled posts soon
have a lovely easter break ben
takr care
Yeah I'm glad you see the truth Marc – thanks for stopping by
hehe glad you liked it Ayo
Great post !
Honestly I should say I am guilty of all these things and sometimes I do need someone to snap me out of my dreams
I think we all need to snap out of our dreams Martin!
I'm new to your blog. I had only read a few posts before this, and then i subscribed. then i read this, and i was just about to unsubscribe before i realized you were joking.
Here's the scary part, I didn't realize you were joking because so many people ACTUALLY feel the way you wrote!
Hey TJ so pleased to know you didnt unsubscribe. Yeah it was all a joke.
It is very sad though that a lot of people actually feel like this. It's so frustrating to come across people with these attitudes in the really world.
Thanks for stopping by and sticking around.
Lol, I was just as fooled as many of the others it seems… I started reading this and I thought “huh… is this guy serious?!”
That being said, using these techniques on someone certainly CAN strengthen their reach… if they can persevere through all that, then it certain shows how serious they are about where they're heading!
-Travis
Hi Travis.
Absolutely – if you can get through all of this and still reach your dream then you're clearly serious about it. It's just too negative an approach for most people, including me.
Great to have you around.
Life is so much better in my dreams and that is where I got to get too in real life and I’m going to keep on dreaming those dreams, until I make them reality…..
You keep plugging away William. Don’t let anyone steal those dreams from you