An interview with a Life Coach – Christine Livingston
Posted by Ben Lumley on Mar 1, 2010 in Goals, Overcoming Challenges, Success, Thinking Differently | 58 comments
I have recently been thinking about my direction in life. I know that I want to help people, as I already do with young people, so I’ve been thinking about ways that I can do that on a personal level. Reading around the blogs that I make time to read on a weekly basis I’ve come across the idea of Life Coaching. This is an idea that has really excited me and has left me wanting more information. So I thought I’d ask a Life Coach that I knew, Christine Livingston from A Different Kind of Work who was amazingly helpful, along with Jen from Reach Our Dreams. I recently ask Christine if she would mind answering some questions for me on what being a Life Coach involves and how it impacts on people’s lives so that I could share their answers on 6aliens.com. What you read below are her insightful answers to my questions.
If you haven’t come across Christine before this interview, it will be a real eye opener into what she does and how she approaches life. Also check her out at A Different Kind of Work.
Can you describe, Christine, what role a life coach plays in someone’s life?
Good question, Ben! A coach’s role is to help another person – or indeed, a couple, or a team – to achieve something they really want to achieve, or to change something they really want to change.
I think of a coach as being a smart companion to someone else’s important journey. You’re alongside them, reflecting choice points and cross-roads they have, helping them decide between one direction or another, and challenging them at places where they’re reading the map differently to how you might. It’s about helping them understand that often their minds create the obstacles they imagine they see ahead of them, and supporting them to remove their own roadblocks.
When would a person need a life coach? Are there common points in a person’s life when they seek out a life coach?
People use coaches to help them with all sorts of things like becoming more confident; creating more balance in their lives; sorting out their finances; or making some change to their work or career, or a mixture of these things.
My personal passion is in helping smart, professional people who’ve come to some impasse in their working lives. The one most people recognize is redundancy, but actually more of the people I work with come to me because something has happened that has caused them to lose their passion for what they do and this is distressing them. In our society, even now, such moments are seen as points of weakness where the solution is simply to change employers or to “sort yourself out” in some way. My view is that such times in life are opportunities to revisit your sense of identity, and the role work plays in helping you express it. In exploring this stuff, people touch on all aspects of their lives, so whilst work might be the catalyst, it’s rarely something people figure out in isolation to other things.
What do you think is the biggest challenge in life we face in the future?
The world is going through enormous change. We’ve just had and are still suffering the consequences of profound recession. Governments, banks and businesses are in chaos. But I think this is all symptomatic of bigger change. As I talked about in one of my recent posts, power is shifting from being invested in a few people, to being shared by many. Command and control hierarchies are flattening, and leadership is becoming less something conferred by position, and more about individual ability to influence and lead.
In the midst of all of this, work is reinventing itself. This is leading to two parallel challenges. First, the skills people need to be successful in work and business now and for the future are changing. The successful people for the future will be much more self-aware, and more focused on their own development, than was ever the case in the past.
Second, for a period of years, business and working life might feel a little crazy. Wave after wave of change initiatives will challenge people’s skills, patience and personal robustness, not to mention their sanity.
Paradoxically, both of these things create real opportunity for self-development bloggers, coaches and all those people who are interested and prepared to do work on themselves because we are helping to create a different kind of work.
If someone wanted to start achieving something in life now, what would advice would you give?
First of all, I’d challenge them to ask whether what they’re trying to do is really in keeping with who they uniquely are. Often people’s motives are out of line with their strengths and it’s good to understand that early on.
But, assuming there’s a good match, I’d ask them to think about what it was they could do right now that would set them on the path to achievement. Sometimes people wait for some future time to be right to start something. By beginning to do something right now, even in some small way, you send the message to yourself and to the universe that you are serious about your intention.
Do you find that there are pitfalls that we all fall in to? If so what can we do to change those?
To my mind there are 2 common pitfalls: limiting beliefs and unresourceful psychological states.
Limiting beliefs are less than positive things that we unconsciously “know” about ourselves and that get in the way of us being brilliantly who we really are. One that a lot of my clients unearth is “I’m not good enough”. You can see that, if you’ve set off down some path of achievement but not all of you is actually on board, you will not reach your goal.
Working with a coach will help flush out the less than useful things that block you. You can also try some self-coaching. For example, try noticing when you feel uncomfortable about something that you’re striving for, and asking yourself what you’re choosing to believe about yourself right there and then. Chances are you’ll find some negative stuff along the “not good enough” lines. A key thing is to challenge the belief. Sticking with the example, ask yourself, what if I already was as good as I needed to be? What would I be doing? What would I be thinking? How would I be feeling?
Unresourceful states are where we fall into psychological black holes in ourselves. Examples are where we experience ourselves as being really overwhelmed by someone or something; where we feel we’ve got to shut up and put up with something; or conversely, where we lose our temper with someone or something and find ourselves behaving in ways we wouldn’t consciously choose. I’m sure you recognize these places as we all experience them at one time or another. I’m also sure you appreciate first hand how they limit you.
If you want to work on this stuff for yourself, a good starting place is paradoxically to catch yourself feeling strong and at your best, and to notice what you think and how you feel about yourself there. Affirm it as really being “you”. Then, when you find yourself in a less resourceful energetic state, know that you have the choice to shift from where you are, back to the more resourceful you. You can reinforce the shift by physically moving about to shake off the crappier energy.
I would say, however, that if you keep finding yourself in the same black hole, there’s a reason for it, and that could well be something to go discuss with a coach.
Who has inspired you in your life and why?
I can’t say there has been one person. I can think of a few bosses who were my role models at various points when I was employed, because they exemplified forms of leadership to which I aspired.
Then there’s Phil and Colin who run the coach training I did. They are inspirational because their whole ethos is that coach training is as much about supporting coaches to become themselves as it is about learning a bunch of techniques. Doing their training was transformational for me.
And, because I love both reading and writing, there are some writers I find inspiring. Notably people like Ayn Rand and Virginia Wolfe neither of whom conformed to the status quo of what it was “right” to write about at the time. I like people who dare to shake things up a bit!
What advice would you give to someone thinking about working with a life coach?
First, do your homework. Frankly, life coaches are ten a penny. Coaches who can add value and really make a difference to your life are more rare. If you’re looking for people on the Internet, read what they have to say for themselves. Find the ones who are daring to say something a bit different from the others: they will tend to be their own people rather than someone else’s echo. Have exploratory, non-committal conversations with them. If you feel they “get” you and that there’s a good connection between you, brilliant. If you’re not sure, keep looking.
Next, expect to pay. Coaching rates vary widely. It almost doesn’t matter what the fee is per se. What it needs to do is make you think about whether you’re going to spend “that” amount of money on yourself or not. When you decide that you will, you make a commitment to yourself that you’re worth it and that you’re going to see the results that you’re paying for.
Take it seriously. For the time you’re doing coaching, make it a top priority in your life. Put your coaching appointments in your diary and do not cancel them unless you’re sick or going on holiday. Copping out of coaching is actually copping out on yourself and your life.
Enjoy it! If you engage with good coaching, it can be not only transformative, but fun too.
What’s your biggest goal for the future?
I’m shaking up my own business right now, turning it from one that has been run along fairly traditional lines, to one that has much more of a social media aspect and presence. I’m going from appearing to be a generalist to actually being “out” about what I really love and allowing that its own momentum. I have a three-year ambition to bring this wholly to fruition, so that I can live more location independently and have my business generate income for me without me needing to be around all the time.
Christine Livingston coaches and writes for professional people, who are facing some kind of crisis or loss of meaning about work, inspiring and supporting them to use their experiences as opportunities for profound life transformation. She blogs at www.adifferentkindofwork.com. Why not follow her RSS Feed?
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I want to thank Christine to taking the time our of her busy schedule to answer these questions for me and that you all took as much from her replies as I did. Thank you Christine.
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Ben Lumley writes about Success and Personal Achievement at 6aliens.com. He is a Personal Achievement Coach and Motivational Speaker.
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That is a really interesting career path! Is it something you are seriously considering Ben?
Yeah definitely something I'm thinking about Tom. I think I've got something to offer but not sure how to work it yet.
Great interview Christine and Ben. I learnt a lot and it is great to hear more about your experiences Christine and what led you in to coaching.
Jen
Glad you enjoyed it Jen
Thanks, Jen. I'm glad you got something from it!
Hi Ben,
I just wanted to add what a great interview this was. Your questions were really thought provoking and answering them helped me to crystallise some things for myself. AND it was fun doing this with you!!
Great post, Ben, and thanks for all the hard work on your blog. I enjoy reading your posts too.
Christine is the gal with the million dollar smile. When Chrissy smiles, the dark clouds which loom overhead scurry away, and the sunshine breaks through and we are finally bathed in light. With a smile like that, who needs a marketing plan?
By contrast, when I smile, creepy crawlies start to climb up my body, and the lord tries to send a thunder-bolt my way. I have to hide behind a building and hold my breath for dear life.
The interview with Chrissy was long overdue, and we are grateful to you for sharing it. I wish all of you much success in your coaching and consulting efforts. Cheers and don't work too hard.
Ben and Christine,
Thanks for providing a very insightful view of life coaching. It's very interesting to read such an interesting post about the subject, rather than the sales pitch you're so often faced with.
Thank you for sharing.
Regards
Paul
Thanks, Paul. I very much appreciate your take on it
Thank you Christine – I was thrilled that you agreed to do an interview for me
Thank you Archan – really glad you like the blog and particular this post with Christine.
Smile and the whole world smiles with you
Thanks for stopping by Paul – pleased that you liked it
Archan, my dear, you have missed your calling. You should have been a comedian. I laughed so hard when I read your wonderful comment. And I simply don't believe that stuff about your smile!!
Thank you so much for coming by and engaging. It's lovely to see you here!
Great interview!
Personally I think it's great what life coaches do because they're helping make a big difference in someone else's life who just can't seem to get to the point they're striving for.
I've never heard of you until this interview and have already seen some blog post titles on your blog I'm going to be checking out!
Thanks for the wonderful interview Christine and Ben.
Great questions and answers all, but I thought one of the most important things that Christine said was “For the time you’re doing coaching, make it a top priority in your life” a powerful statement where you could substitute the word coaching and insert anything that you have chosen. I think this is where many should fully commit to something new, a critical stage of whatever you think you want to do. Get into wholeheartedly from the beginning.
Thanks for the great comment, Eric. I think I enjoy what I do so much because you can see people using the work we do together to make real change. It's such an honour and privilege to be allowed that space in people's lives.
Also, you're welcome to hang out at my blog any time you like!
Thanks, Jimi
Interesting you highlight that part of the conversation. And I agree with you, you could substitute whatever else it is: unless one is committed, there's always a chance of failure! As you say, get into it wholeheartedly from the beginning!
Ben and Christine,
Thanks for this incredibly informative interview. I have a greater understanding of what Life Coaches are and how they can be a wonderful asset.
It was great that you mentioned “unresourceful psychological states,” Christine. I can speak from experience that I fell in to that and finally caught myself at the right time. I was able to “climb” out. The old adage “work on yourself” is something that I truly believe in.
Best Regards for the other side of the Atlantic!
Jason
Thanks Christine and Ben for a great interview,
Would you agree that, if you have a friend or family member that is a qualified coach, its probably best not to work with them?
In my experience, it is often better to start a coaching relationship with someone you don't know and that is the basis of the relationship. It can then grow from there. Rather than change or try to augment an existing relationship……all to do with impartiality and history.
Would you agree?
Adrian
I'm a big fan of Christine and we only crossed paths recently, I think she along with Maren Kate from escapingthe9to5.com have a serious future ahead of them.
What I like about life coaches like you and Ben (who is mine) are you are normal people, you make mistakes and let people learn from them, makes you relatable.
Good job
I really enjoyed this post because it gave me some background information and real life story of a career that I'm thinking of entering. I learned a lot, so thank you Christine for sharing your story and thank you Ben for posting such a great article.
Thanks so much.
Karen
Thanks, Jason. I'm glad to hear you managed to catch yourself in an unresourceful state and climb your way out. Well done. So often people think they have no choice over this!
Regards to you too!
Interesting question, Adrian. My personal opinion is that it's best to work with someone you don't know, even if you have a friend or family member who's qualified. I have been asked by a number of friends if I'll coach them and I've said “no” every time. Whilst it's been flattering to me, and some might argue “why not?”, my position has been that I value them in my life as friends and don't want to muddy the water by adding some additional role or dynamic that might threaten that. I think it should be okay for it to work the other way too.
I hope that makes sense, but come back to me if not!
Thanks, James, that's a lovely comment. I'm glad that we've interacted enough for you to get a feel that I'm a “normal person”. That's very important to me because being who I am is the essence of everything I do.
My great pleasure, Karen. Glad you got something from it, and if you ever want to pick my brains on coaching, let me know.
Hey Eric
Christine does a great job on her blog – you should definitely check it out
Yeah completely right Jimi! Make your focus in life (i.e. a stage in life) your top priority.
Hey Jason!
Greetings from the UK – glad you liked the post.
I think it's great you've gone through that experience as you now have a reserve of emotions and past action that helped you to overcome your past situation that you can use for good in the future.
I've been considering this same thing recently Adrian as I'm looking at my options with regards to being a life coach on a permanent basis.
I've offered my help and support to some very close friends but it's ended up resulting in awkardness between us so I've decided not to take this approach while gaining some experience.
Hey buddy!
Glad you liked the interview and are a fan already of Christine's.
Always good to have you here brother
Hey Karen – obviously great minds think alike as is something I'm thinking about entering too.
Glad you enjoyed it
Very nice interview, really informative. I am hoping to to one day be a Life Coach or at the very least guide others to improvement through my blog. I am still ironing out some of the kinks in my own life which I am sharing as I move forward.
Again great information and very inspirational!
Hey Ryan – thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment
The nice thing about kinks in your own life is that you can use them to help others with their own.
Thanks for all the good insights! I feel it would be great to be a coach but the troubling thing I think is to prove yourself and show your credibility. But, that is all up to you striving to get those first couple of clients.
Hey buddy – great to have you here!
Yeah I'm struggling with this myself right now but trying to help some people for free to build up my skill set
hi ben/christine,
this was a lovely interview. Christine you took time to explain the approach to coaching and going through the comments, it appears people have a constructive view of coaching and some are beginning to develop an interest in the profession.
Consider your job done christine.
and finally ben
i'm sure you would be a good coach.
take care
Hey Ayo thanks – really glad you enjoyed it.
Awesome interview. I have been slowly moving from Business Consulting to Life Coaching more and more lately. I think its more about people now because we need to develop strength with ourselves and get tools to deal with everything out there now. Even a few of my Consulting clients are starting to want a little more personal help. I think you would be great at it Ben and thanks Christine for the information I am sure I will be looking your site up.
This is the first time I've read about what a life coach is. I learned a lot from the interview with Christine Livingston, and the part that I really value is the one about our own personal pitfalls and how we can overcome them. I can relate to how these pitfalls affect one's life.
Hi Ben,
I'd suggest that if you have friends and family that want coaching then refer then onto someone you trust. Keeps the relationship clean and straightforward.
Adrian
Well done, Christine and Ben.
What a great energy you have, Christine. Your professionalism shines out from between the words in a way that leaves me informed, inspired and energized. Well done, you deserve every success.
Best to you both, Robin
Hey Jeff – think its great that you're moving into more life coaching. Your blog posts certainly reflect you knowledge and wisdom that could help people in this way.
Glad you enjoyed the interview
Hi Julius
Nice to see you here again. I think Christine did a great job with her answers and really opened everyones eyes to the benefits of a life coach
Hi Ryan,
Thanks for the comment. As Ben said, having some kinks in your own life means you can use them to help others. The only thing I'd add is, if you're serious about becoming a coach, don't imagine you need to wait till your own life is “perfect” before taking the plunge. That day rarely comes, and there's something about not being “sorted” yourself that can be enormously healing for others.
Thanks Robin – thanks for dropping by to.
Glad you also see how great Christine is
Hi Derek
Like with anything, it takes quite a bit of learning to get to the point of feeling proficient as a coach. Practice and reflection – perhaps using a coach of your own – are useful tools in the learning journey. Ben's example of starting with a few free clients to build the skill set is a good one.
Yeah, Ayo, the comments here are awesome. People have a really constructive view of coaching, are seeing it as something that's positive and a number are considering taking that route themselves professionally. Brilliant!
And I agree with you. Ben will be a good coach!
Thanks, Jeff. I've done a lot of business consulting work myself and I've moved in a more personal direction because I think people at work need and value a more real relationship than is often possible with a consultant's hat on. Hence, I'm not surprised that some of your clients are reaching for more.
Good luck with your shift to life coaching. The world needs more good life coaches!
Thanks, Julius. I'm glad you were able to take something positive from the interview and I appreciate your sharing it in this way.
Thank you for such amazing feedback, Robin. I am happy that you have had such a positive experience from reading the interview.
Best to you too!