Happiness

Posted by Ben Lumley on Mar 3, 2010 in Think Differently | 55 comments

photo credit: p22earl

Today’s post is by Paul Worswick. Paul, is a professional coach working with individuals to support them in their decisions, about where they are going and how they are planning to get there.  He is also the blog writer of diary4life.com and has a great passion for helping people.  Diary 4 Life is a personal growth blog providing tricks and tips for your personal development diary.  Paul has previously worked in Further Education (FE) colleges and training organisations, helping adults, including young people achieve their goals.  His work with Adults and Young People allowed him to experience working with both adult and young offenders. If you’ve enjoyed reading this post, please consider subscribing for regular updates in your favourite reader or by email.

Happiness is something many of us seem to insist be part of our life’s mission; making it our sole purpose! The rather unusual thing is we’ve search for it and claimed to have found it in a number of different places. In our search for happiness it always seems to entail us looking in the most extraordinary places. Fame and fortune maybe! There are so many different sources of happiness presented to us, from the many ‘metaphorical salespeople’, each day and all very tangible opportunities. Salespeople who, themselves are seeking the happiness of a sale! Happiness is a much sought after item; you would think that with so many people searching for it that its true source would have been found by now!

It’s similar to when the police are searching for clues, the more officers they employ in the search, the more chance they have of finding the clues. Eventually they find what they are looking for. So why is that not the case with happiness? With so many people searching for it, why has it not been found? Or has it and we are just not taking any notice. The answer is, yes it has been found and it’s been with you all the time.

What is it that encourages people to seek happiness from fame and fortune; the Hollywood dream or simply winning the X-Factor? Or maybe it’s something more achievable by them; like making their fortune, owning a big house, their dream partner or their favourite car. What are they really searching for? Even more important what happens if they don’t achieve their ‘happiness item’?

I’m not for one minute suggesting you shouldn’t have big dreams and big goals! Big dreams and big goals are important for your success in life. What I am saying, is question the location of your happiness. Is it where it really should be?

Returning to the metaphor of the evidence search by the police; they find their evidence because they look in the right place, simple really isn’t it! So where is the right place to look for happiness? You’ll find your happiness within you; looking for happiness from external sources serves no purpose at all. You’ll merely be led into the illusion that you are happy; when all that’s happening is you’ve found enjoyment in a materialistic item. What will happen when the item you’ve found enjoyment with ‘runs out’, disappears or reaches its ’sell by date’? You’ll be left in your state of unhappiness once again.

So where do you, find your happiness? Do you rely on your happiness from materialistic items, such as your car, your house, the friends you keep or the goods in your house?

• Are you where you live?
• Are you who your friends are?
• Are you your job?
• Are you your car?

All too often you see people searching for happiness in items outside of them; when the item disappears, so does their happiness. Think about the following:

• If you rely on your money, what happens when you’re in debt or you’ve no money left, how happy are you then?
• If you rely on your car; what happens when you don’t have your car anymore, how happy will you be then?
• One that some people struggle with; if you rely on your partner too much, what happens when they’ve pass away, where does your happiness come from then?

This isn’t an indication not to have great wealth, have a car of your dreams or love your partner; all these are important to your make-up but not your happiness. I heard a great quote in the film, “Cool Runnings” a 1993 comedy film about the exploits of the Jamaican Bobsled Team at Calgary, Alberta, Canada in the 1988 Winter Olympics.

“. . a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you’re not enough without one, you’ll never be enough with one”, Irv (played by the late John Candy).

It is the same with your happiness, if you haven’t got it without your material possessions, you’ll be no better off when you have them.

So where do you start with your finding your happiness? I suggest you take the time to show gratitude for the things you have in your life and appreciating what you have achieved. You’ll begin to realise you’ve achieved a great deal and a lot to show for your efforts. Spend some time making a list of your achievements; no matter how small you think they are and don’t be hard on yourself.

Becoming more aware of yourself and your surroundings is a great step forward to appreciating who you are. How would you describe yourself, if asked? Who are you? What does your reflection look like? What are your strengths, not your skills or attribute? Could you answer these questions, with honesty and accuracy?

Thank you for reading this post, please let me know what you think and share your experiences in the comments below. While you’re here please take the time to sign up for the newsletter or alternatively you may prefer to subscribe for regular updates in your favourite reader or by email.

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