Happiness
Posted by Ben Lumley on Mar 3, 2010 in Thinking Differently | 55 comments
Today’s post is by Paul Worswick. Paul, is a professional coach working with individuals to support them in their decisions, about where they are going and how they are planning to get there. He is also the blog writer of diary4life.com and has a great passion for helping people. Diary 4 Life is a personal growth blog providing tricks and tips for your personal development diary. Paul has previously worked in Further Education (FE) colleges and training organisations, helping adults, including young people achieve their goals. His work with Adults and Young People allowed him to experience working with both adult and young offenders. If you’ve enjoyed reading this post, please consider subscribing for regular updates in your favourite reader or by email.
Happiness is something many of us seem to insist be part of our life’s mission; making it our sole purpose! The rather unusual thing is we’ve search for it and claimed to have found it in a number of different places. In our search for happiness it always seems to entail us looking in the most extraordinary places. Fame and fortune maybe! There are so many different sources of happiness presented to us, from the many ‘metaphorical salespeople’, each day and all very tangible opportunities. Salespeople who, themselves are seeking the happiness of a sale! Happiness is a much sought after item; you would think that with so many people searching for it that its true source would have been found by now!
It’s similar to when the police are searching for clues, the more officers they employ in the search, the more chance they have of finding the clues. Eventually they find what they are looking for. So why is that not the case with happiness? With so many people searching for it, why has it not been found? Or has it and we are just not taking any notice. The answer is, yes it has been found and it’s been with you all the time.
What is it that encourages people to seek happiness from fame and fortune; the Hollywood dream or simply winning the X-Factor? Or maybe it’s something more achievable by them; like making their fortune, owning a big house, their dream partner or their favourite car. What are they really searching for? Even more important what happens if they don’t achieve their ‘happiness item’?
I’m not for one minute suggesting you shouldn’t have big dreams and big goals! Big dreams and big goals are important for your success in life. What I am saying, is question the location of your happiness. Is it where it really should be?
Returning to the metaphor of the evidence search by the police; they find their evidence because they look in the right place, simple really isn’t it! So where is the right place to look for happiness? You’ll find your happiness within you; looking for happiness from external sources serves no purpose at all. You’ll merely be led into the illusion that you are happy; when all that’s happening is you’ve found enjoyment in a materialistic item. What will happen when the item you’ve found enjoyment with ‘runs out’, disappears or reaches its ’sell by date’? You’ll be left in your state of unhappiness once again.
So where do you, find your happiness? Do you rely on your happiness from materialistic items, such as your car, your house, the friends you keep or the goods in your house?
- Are you where you live?
- Are you who your friends are?
- Are you your job?
- Are you your car?
All too often you see people searching for happiness in items outside of them; when the item disappears, so does their happiness. Think about the following:
- If you rely on your money, what happens when you’re in debt or you’ve no money left, how happy are you then?
- If you rely on your car; what happens when you don’t have your car anymore, how happy will you be then?
- One that some people struggle with; if you rely on your partner too much, what happens when they’ve pass away, where does your happiness come from then?
This isn’t an indication not to have great wealth, have a car of your dreams or love your partner; all these are important to your make-up but not your happiness. I heard a great quote in the film, “Cool Runnings” a 1993 comedy film about the exploits of the Jamaican Bobsled Team at Calgary, Alberta, Canada in the 1988 Winter Olympics.
“. . a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you’re not enough without one, you’ll never be enough with one”, Irv (played by the late John Candy).
It is the same with your happiness, if you haven’t got it without your material possessions, you’ll be no better off when you have them.
So where do you start with your finding your happiness? I suggest you take the time to show gratitude for the things you have in your life and appreciating what you have achieved. You’ll begin to realise you’ve achieved a great deal and a lot to show for your efforts. Spend some time making a list of your achievements; no matter how small you think they are and don’t be hard on yourself.
Becoming more aware of yourself and your surroundings is a great step forward to appreciating who you are. How would you describe yourself, if asked? Who are you? What does your reflection look like? What are your strengths, not your skills or attribute? Could you answer these questions, with honesty and accuracy?
Thank you for reading this post, please let me know what you think and share your experiences in the comments below. While you’re here please take the time to sign up for the newsletter or alternatively you may prefer to subscribe for regular updates in your favourite reader or by email.
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Ben Lumley writes about Success and Personal Achievement at 6aliens.com. He is a Personal Achievement Coach and Motivational Speaker.
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We need to find happiness in ourselves before we can ever find it in something else. We need to have a deep founded love for ourselves (as arrogant as that sounds) or how can we begin to love others. Happiness should be found in people not things. Great post Ben!
Tom,
Your exactly right with your assessment. Great stuff. Thanks for your contribution.
Regards
Paul
Hey Tom – always first to comment. Now that's dedicatation! Much appreciated.
Really glad you liked Paul's post. You hit the nail right on the head by saying that we need to find happiness in ourselves and that external happiness should be found in people not in things
Ben,
Thanks for the opportunity to post to such a great community.
Regards
Paul
Great message here Paul. I think it can be easy to think something or someone outside ourselves can make us happy, I am sure we have all fallen into that trap at times. Developing our relationship with ourselves and knowing happiness comes from within is a great first step to turning the tables on that mindset. I also liked that you mentioned gratitude … it is such a powerful thing. If we can't appreciate what we already have we are closing ourselves to more.
Hey Paul, this is wonderful and truly resonates with me.
What is happiness?
For me, happiness is.
It's the moment and the space that breathes in between all of the stuff in my life. It's like a gentle sea breeze that's always there.
All I need to do is become aware of it and alter the sails of my ship to catch it. Ah, there it is again. And so, I'm happy again.
Great stuff guys.
Best, Robin
Hey Jen
I think we all fall in to this trap from time to time. The important thing is that we keep learning the lesson when we do.
Paul… this is a fantastic piece… if happiness in not inside you then it is NOWHERE to be found.
Wow Robin – what a great idea of happiness!
I love you analogy of the breeze filling the sails of your ship!
Excellent comment Mick! Really pleased you liked Paul's article
Lovely post, Paul, and thanks for it. Very thought provoking.
I found myself agreeing with Mick – if happiness is not inside you it is nowhere. Also, I've noticed that, as I've worked on allowing myself to be happy with myself, my desire for things outside me has diminished. Funny how that works, isn't it?!
Jen,
Thanks for your comment. Yes you're right how often, I'm sure we all have at some time, do we seek for our happiness pleasures in materialistic items.
Regards
Paul
Robin,
Great to hear from you and pleased to hear you enjoyed the post. I love your description of what happiness means to you.
Thanks for sharing this.
Regards
Paul
Mick,
Thanks for dropping in. Exactly you've hit the nail on the head; it's with us all the time.
Regards
Paul
When I find happiness, true happiness i'll let you know. Great post
I totally agree, until you really understand and love yourself there is no one else in this world
Very poetic.
Christine,
Thanks for your comment.
I'm with you on that, I'm finding much more happiness since I looked more within. As I've comment on Mick's blog before, my return to mediation has helped immensely.
Regards
Paul
Winnie,
Thank you for dropping in. That's a great thought; do we actually ever find true happiness or is it a never ending journey. Perhaps all we ever have, is a happier state!
Regards
Paul
Nice post Paul. Happiness isn't something that can be achieved by chasing after external things. We have to focus on the little things that we are grateful for in life, and happiness will come to us. As Thoreau puts it, “Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.”
Happiness isn't a destination; it's a journey. It's what you do every day of your life to make things a little brighter, a little more fun. There is no one true source.
Least, I hope not – because if there is I'm missing the bandwagon
Great post Paul, nice to see you on here.
Very nice post paul, actually helps to find out true meaning of life! keep it up.
Hulbert,
Thanks for adding to the conversation.
So beautiful put; and in small steps too. I like your idea of releasing your desire for happiness and allowing it to come in its own time.
Regards
Paul
Heather,
Thank you for your comment.
I don't think for one minute you're missing the band wagon; you're exactly right when you say happiness is an everyday occurence.
Regards
Paul
Thanks Paul – and once again, congratulations on your guest post!
Nishant,
Thank you for your comment.
Yes it certainly does help with life.
Regards
Paul
This is a very great post and kind of reminds me how of I felt reading Karen's post about forgiveness. Very touching.
I'm about to be facing (very soon!) a difficult decision in my life and I know the right road and am not sure it will truly make me happy but I think it will once given a chance. If we just look inside ourselves and realise that our goals and dreams and desires will only make us happy when we find peace and happiness in our lives right now, we'll be off to a better start.
I, in fact, just got my car out of the snow a few days ago and have been truly happy driving it around and enjoying listening to music. It's got the works in it so of course I'm happy. I was determined to get it out but ultimately if it breaks down I should still be happy that I have myself, a roof over my head and my friends and family and most of all, again, me!
I'd miss my car, sure, but I'd also be happy that I did get it unstuck and had some joy driving it for the time I did also.
Great post!
One of the most inspiring posts I've read this week. I love this statement: looking for happiness from external sources serves no purpose at
all.
In the coming weekend, I'll follow your advice and try to list down the things I've achieved, both major and minor ones. I admit I've been depending on external factors in order to be happy, and I'd love to achieve happiness from within.
Hey Christine.
I've definitely found the same thing over the years. By accepting myself and finding happiness from within my desires for external happiness has deminished
Glad you enjoyed the post Winnie
Hey Hulbert. Thanks for commenting.
I think we you stop running and trying to chase happiness it usually stops flying away and settles in front of you.
Nice analogy dude – thanks for sharing
I agree Heather happiness in the journey.
I love how you put it by saying “It's what you do every day of your life to make things a little brighter, a little more fun. There is no one true source.” This is such a wise thing to say. Thank you for sharing it
Thanks for the comment Nishant – really pleased you enjoyed Paul's post
Hey Eric
I think when we attach happiness to other things away from ourselves and our families this is when we start to become unstuck. I think it's the main reason people are so unhappy. Because they put their hopes in desires and attachments rather than finding happiness in themselves.
Thanks for the comment man!
I think we all depend on external factors for happiness from time to time Julius.
I think it's great that you're going to follow Paul's advice. Please come back and let us know how you get on.
Lol, honestly I've been trying to remember if it was a quote from something =P seems to ring true though either way. No point in living if you're not going to be happy doing it really, at least some of the time.
Eric,
Thank you for adding your comment.
Yes, you're right finding peace and happiness is within all of us; all we need to look and when we find it accept it for what it is.
Pleased to hear you managed to get your car out.
Regards
Paul
Julius,
Thanks for dropping in to add your comment.
I'm really pleased to hear you've benefited from the post and you'll be able to take something away.
Regards
Paul
This article really resonates with me, Paul. I intellectually know that my happiness only resides within myself, but it's so hard sometimes. I think that's why retail therapy is so huge. If I just go buy this book or this lipstick or this pair of shoes, or the latest gadget, then maybe I will be happy. But, the problem is, that happiness is fleeting and only lasts a short period of time. To be truely happy, you have to be happy with yourself, regardless of your life cirumstances.
This is a good reminder for me.
Thanks,
Karen
Karen,
Thanks for your comment, an interesting one at that.
Is retail therapy a pleasure or happiness? I think the two are different and is it the pleasure that is only fleeting? Is happiness a way of life? Just a few thoughts your comment has stirred up in my head.
Regards
Paul
Great post bud! You are really pumping out the guest posts, I just got done commenting on your post with The Info Preneur. I have had a lot of problems with materialistic happiness in the past. Now I am still working my way out of debt which is now a new path toward my goal/happiness. It is all about finding happiness that is not materialistic and will last for a very long time.
Ryan,
Thanks for your comment.
Yes I've been a bit busy this week with post here and there, plus one in return.
Wow, what a coincidence with the debt thing, bad news isn't it. I'm shedding all that materialistic garbage and much the better for it!
Regards
Paul
It is a good feeling to be working toward financial freedom now and as being in debt I have learned to live with out the materialistic garbage since I could no longer afford everything on a whim. I guess going in debt was life's hard way of teaching me a lesson. It sure worked though, well working. Not past tense yet unfortunately.
I'm really glad you like the article Karen.
I suppose you could class the pursuit of celebrity in the same way. People desperately want to be famous because they think it will bring them happiness when in fact it is often anything but happy.
Hey Ryan
I think it's great that you've reframed your debt experience so that you can move on in a positive way from it to eventually find true non-materialist happiness. Right on brother!
Thanks man, it is a rough road though!
Yeah but if it doesnt kill yeah it'll only make you stronger
@Ben: I think it's sometimes hard to find happiness within ourselves because we're fooled into believing we have to have THINGS instead of live the life we've been given and make the most of it.
@Paul: It's all within us. We have totally forgotten that. Even I do on a daily basis in everything I do and I have to keep reminding myself that it's all inside each of us and how we choose to embrace it.
Ben and Paul, thanks for your responses. Yes, will come back to this post once I've spent time reflecting. looking forward to the next posts
Thanks Julius, look forward to seeing you back again.
Regards
Paul