Know Your Worth by Finding Centered Truth
Posted by Ben Lumley on Mar 9, 2010 in Think Differently | 43 comments
Today’s post is by Marc Winitz. Marc is a VP of large information technology company I the US, a Personal Development blogger and a black belt in Karate who can be found at Black Belt Guide. You can connect with Marc on Twitter @marcwinitz or if you liked this article then why not subscribe to his RSS Feed?
Do you know what your worth is? I don’t mean this in financial terms. I mean on a very personal and human level. You cannot have richness in life unless you first understand what your own self worth is. Do you know what you mean to yourself? What defines you as a person and why? What are the values and principles that drive you? I think very few people really do know this or spend time thinking about it.
As a long time student of martial arts and a teacher in traditional Japanese karate, I have had a unique view on what the term “personal development” means. Most of this art form is about fighting. Not with others mind you, although that is a common view. It’s about the fighting that occurs inside of you.
I have met and trained with many people over decades who all ultimately have wanted the same thing ; to have confidence. They view training in a martial art as a way to build confidence. It achieves that, but gaining confidence is just a coded way of saying that they want to understand themselves or to be happy with who they are. And to help find meaning in their lives.
A Path to Stop Fighting
Not feeling as if you possess these qualities means you are fighting with yourself. And you’ll keep living in your own personal conflict because you have not taken the first real step in personal development:
To look at and accept your own “centered truth”
The Japanese term “Do” (pronounced “dough”) as in karate-do, or ju-do, translates to “the way”. This is the path of self development in a martial arts training sense. But you don’t have to practice any art form to benefit from walking down this path. And you can do it without ever setting foot in a karate dojo (training hall).
What Is Centered Truth?
Centered Truth is the idea that allows you to understand your own self worth by looking deeply inside yourself to understand who you are. To do this you need to ask yourself hard questions and be able articulate to yourself (not others) what is important to you and what you value. In order to do that you need to know what your personal weaknesses and vulnerabilities are. Many people will say they know themselves but they really don’t spend time pursuing introspection on a deep personal level. Yet there is only one way to really do this:
You need to speak to yourself as to who you really are,
Not how you want others to see you.
For myself, I remember at a young age simply not feeling like I was “good enough”. That was a big and unwieldy term and it stuck with me a long time. It inhibited me. I felt that I couldn’t compete with others. I didn’t push myself because I felt I wasn’t worthy of achieving anything or that the outcome wouldn’t be worthwhile. Only after I started looking internally to understand why I thought this way could I move myself forward.
Your feelings about who you are a hard thing to change. But it’s possible as long as you accept facing down who you truly are. Only then can you begin to work on the state you want to evolve to.
Facing Your Biggest Opponent – You
What I am suggesting isn’t easy. And it is not meant to make you feel good. After all, as a black belt and a teacher, that’s not my purpose. I am not here to be a friend. I am only here to help you. Knowing your worth to yourself first and then in the eyes of others is more valuable than any amount of money. So allow me to offer you a path to walk down.
A First Step – Take a Personal Inventory
So, do me a favour and take a first step. Not next week or next month. Do this today. Get a blank piece of paper, sit in a quiet place and write down who you are, how you see yourself and what defines you.
• What do you value in life and why?
• What’s important to you and why?
• What makes you feel weak and vulnerable?
• Why aren’t you good enough in your own mind?
• What is important to you as a human being on this planet?
• What gives you personal strength and why?
When was the last time you asked these questions of yourself? Wrote them down and looked at them. Read them again and changed them. If you didn’t like them, could you identify why and what you could do start to do to change some of this inventory?
It is About You
I’ll take issue with the first line of the best selling book The Purpose Driven Life that says “It’s not about you.” I think it is about you. And so this exercise is not about goal setting, like “I want to be successful”, or “I want to make a lot of money”. I mean real centered truth. Its how the war inside you ultimately ends and allows you to walk off the battlefield as the victor. And the nice thing is you can change this situation anytime – when you are ready. Start here.
This is worth everything, because it is about understanding yourself, a pure and raw form of personal development. It is not easy and I am not recommending everyone run out to join a martial arts program.
I could write much more on this topic, but I will stop here. For now, please take a first step and walk towards your own centered truth.
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This is a beautiful, thoughtful piece, Marc. It reminds me that so much stuff that masquerades as “self development” is not really about developing the “self” at all. Not in the way you mean it here. Self development in the sense of polishing what you look like on the outside and realising lots of goals is relatively easy. But to develop your real self – to be who you really are – takes a lot of work, and involves, as you highlight so well, confronting the parts about you that you'd really rather not look at or own.
Of your questions, the one that's really speaking to me is “what gives you your personal strength and why”. I'm going to make that my question to ponder on today.
Many thanks.
Ben,
Thanks for having me on 6 Aliens today. I'm on the other side of the pond so I may be delayed in responding to some of your readers.
Cheers!
Marc
Beautiful post Marc.I think it is easy to listen to outside opinions and the little voice we all have at times that says we are not good enough, but doing the inner work helps us get back in touch with what really matters. Thanks for the questions.
Yeah I agree Christine – there is a lot self polishing self development stuff out there. Marc's post is a what I would class a true self-development article. Thanks for stopping by
Glad you're here Marc – looking forward to seeing your replies to all the comments you'll get later on
Hey Jen thanks for dropping in – glad you enjoyed Marc's post
Marc, that is an inspired piece of writing that gets right to the core of being as good as you can be…. truthfulness and honesty with yourself.
The truth is that when doing your self inventory you may not like what you discover as the answers to the questions, and you may find that you have been hiding from yourself. BUT THAT IS GOOD, because it is the starting point to making yourself better.
Thank you for your wisdom!
Hey Marc, it's always interesting to here personal development advice from a master of an art form. I agree that it's by discovering who we are inside that creates the true person that we are on the outside. The questions you've provided seemed like normal questions at first glance, but when you really think about them, it really means a lot and can make a big difference depending on how you answer them.
For example, I know that have OCD and I know that is something that makes me weak and vulnerable whenever I'm on the computer. It's one of the hardest inner battles that I have to face everyday and the irrational actions that all happen on the outside are created by conflict that is happening on the inside. Every step that I take to accept the pain however, I feel like the stronger person I am becoming.
Hey Marc and Ben, great post. First off I love to check in on your blog too Marc. I have been in and around traditional Okinawan Karate for about 22 years now and like how you mix what is taught in the dojo with real life. I have struggled with this topic for most of my life and it led me down some very rough and often disappointing paths. It took a very strong woman, and my Sensei (Kiacho to me), to help me see in myself what I needed to so I can make my life better for me. Its great to see more people out there offering real help in old school ways that are proven to work.
Great, great post.
Confidence is such a major contributing factor in every aspect of our lives – from starting and running our own businesses, to learning a martial art (I studied Aikido for a few years back in my teen years) and to ultimately finding the one we want to share everything with.
Nice topic, Marc – and thanks for posting, Ben.
Marc,
A very interesting and readable post. I love your philosophy and the thought provoking questions are really empowering. I agree self confidence and personal development are bed partners and intrinsically linked.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Regards
Paul
Thanks Jen. Sometimes those little voices have to much power, amazing how that works. Love your work at RoD btw.
Thank you Mick. Interestingly, I see the use of “centered truth” in a corporate environment all the time. You would think it is exclusively focused in a personal dev environment, but it has transcended that. I guess the bottom line is that it is a good tool (when used appropriately) for any kind of reflection.
Hi Hulbert.Well you can't have OCD if you picked up on the subtle theme which is that the questions at first glance make all the difference! Your comments appear well thought out, perhaps you are getting the upper hand on your struggle? Thanks for reading and commenting here.
Absolutely Jeff. I appreciate your insight as a fellow practitioner. Black Belt Guide is something I have wanted to do for a long time but only recently realized blogging was the best way to communicate some of these ideas and concepts. It is still a work in progress, but an enjoyable one. You know what though, you just can't beat old school sometimes!
Hi Chris. As a fellow business person I really do channel the confidence of martial arts into my business life. When I am in front of a group of people presenting as an example, my mindset changes to being on a dojo floor. I don't know that this would work for everyone but it does for me. I love Aikido btw, thanks for stopping by on 6Aliens.
Very much intrinsically linked Paul, good point.
I like this post and just wrote each question down and will think about those questions and answer those later today. I have also read that book and actually have my own copy of that book, in very good condition. It's a great book but I also believe it IS about us, each of us.
Great post and I can't wait to see what my life actually means to me from deep within. Scary thought but it can't be scarier than not knowing as I do right now.
Marc,
Thanks for this inspiring post. My blockade in life was ME for a very long time. It wasn't until I decided to take a personal inventory that I began to really feel like I was able to be a success in life and career. I like what you said: “Why aren’t you good enough in your own mind?” Our minds get in the way of us sometimes. The more we realize that we can be a success and be strong mentally and physically, the more mountains we can climb.
Thanks again!
I agree that you are your biggest opponent. It's so hard to overcome obstacle you have created yourself. But if you want to grow than that's what you really need to do.
It's simply one of the biggest challenge a human can overcome. And I think it always will be. Great article
Excellent post Marc, the questions you had us ask ourselves I sat back as I read them I answered each one. Doing that really narrows down fields of doubt that I have inside of me, if anyone hasn't done that yet I recommend you do it.
Hey Mick – really pleased you liked Marc's post.
You're right when you say that often when we look inward we might not like what we find but this doesn't mean that you're not worth the effort. It's a great starting point to have.
Thanks for dropping by Hulbert.
I think with your OCD it's the struggle that makes you stronger and more able to help people yourself.
Hi Jeff! Really pleased that you enjoyed Marc's post.
Weirdly it's my Master (Tang Soo Do) who has opened my eyes to the real person in side. Nice to see I'm not the only one.
Confidence is such a big player Chris, you're right. When you've have found the truth of yourself then you can develop some seriously positive confidence to tackle anything problem you may face in the world.
Hey Paul – really glad you enjoyed Marc's post today
It's is a scary thought Eric but the results from the exercise can completely blow the lid of your life that it's a very good scary!
Very true Jason. Our minds do get in the way of us achieving.
I was the same as you for a long while and had ME as the thing that stopped me achieving the things I wanted to achieve in my life.
There's nothing like the journey we take to overcome those massive challenges. To grow and develop you need to break down those self imposed barriers. Thanks for commenting Julius.
Hey Ryan – really glad you liked Marc's article.
Ok I'm here to test out my new name, You always have great posts. thanks.
Honestly I've never asked myself the questions above. I often reflect during my free time but it's always about my plans and how I can reach them. I think that knowing my own worth first is essential before I consider other external factors in my life, and start to help others as well.
hi marc/ben,
how are you?
you've made profound statements here.'You cannot have richness in life unless you first understand what your own self worth is'
that is so true. I think running an honest and thorough self inventory actually creates a path to being authentic.
this post also reminds me once again of the most important step in personal development which is understanding who you really are.
take care
Great read. You are so right about your statement on confidence. Its a fight with yourself. Perfectly put. I liked how you asked those questions of the reader. Good stuff!
Glad you enjoyed it
Yeah you need to have a real sense of yourself and what you're worth is you really want to make the most of your future and the help you give to others.
Yeah this is why I love personal development. It means that I can look to myself and not to others in order to achieve the things I want to achieve in life.
Thanks really glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by to comment
Yes and if I know what my life means to me and can see and feel it, maybe I could get through things a bit more and look at things in a whole new brighter way.
Well i know one thing for sure, I am going to look deep inside because if it only took one word (sickening) from one person to make me destroy all my internet writing and work…well there is definitely something wrong…rght?
Good brief and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you as your information.
What a wonderful post! Today has been a day of emotional challenges as I release the ‘old’ to make way for a new way of Being and get closer to my Truth. Your article resonated deeply with me came to my attention at precisely the right moment..so thank you for sharing your wisdom. Stay blessed
Thank you for stopping by Tunde. Glad it was of help